Tuesday 8 December 2015

Beckett's Uses

When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade. Or when it gives you a hammer, nail everything that you can. Okay, this doesn't make sense or isn't even pertinent to the point I'm trying to make.

But very often children can, without much effort if any, bog the parents down. And if not able to manage them with entrepreneurial engagement, parents can wreak havoc in both their and their children's lives. So while you cannot prevent the kid from taking over your life, there's a hell lot that one can do to make the most of it.

This is what I refer to as Beckett's Uses.

1. Dynamic Barbell: I prefer carrying Beckett in my hands rather than using a sling or a carrier or a pram. Given that she puts on around 200 gms every week, my arms have that much time to adjust to the new weight category. That said, I do two sets of bicep curls and other arm exercises using Beckett as the prop.

2. TV Repellent: Watching incessant amounts of TV was the biggest saboteur of my future when I was much younger. Whereas Missus was so busy with sports and dance and academics that she hardly watched any TV. So both of us unanimously agree that watching TV is the devil. However, Beckett keeps both of us so occupied that we have no time for the devil. So bye bye TV.

3. Sleep Deprivation Machine: This one applies more to Missus and much less to me. But something that wakes you up with impeccable regularity every 2 hours to suck the living daylights out of you and more often than not accompanies it with a change of nappies and sheets definitely is going to deprive you of your sleep. But once you master this challenge, everything else in life seems like a cake walk

4. Patience Cultivator: If I see it, I will want to grab and eat it. If I feel something, I will cry and not stop till I'm convinced otherwise. I will not tell you what is bothering me (I can't, you stupid Dodos), but you have to do everything to take care of me. I will pee and poop and puke on your pants and shirts and under garments and there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot shout at me or beat the crap out of me or do anything that bad parents do. I have to be fed with relentless discipline. You have to ensure that I don't hurt myself. You will constantly have to find new ways to keep me entertained else I will cry like there is no tomorrow. I am the best patience teacher you will ever have in your life and your life will be better off for having been patient with me.

More in another instalment (Sound proofer, New syntax developer, Smile generator, Procrastination eliminator among others).    

No comments:

Post a Comment