Beckett's Murphy Laws: One more

I will wake up and cry every time you and Mom get frisky with each other and try to do something funny !

Beckett's Murphy Laws

1. Pooping:

My frequency is inversely proportional to how many people there are in the house and how many wet wipes are left. It is has a co-relation of 1 with you cooking food  

2. Falling Sleep:

I will stay up till / beyond midnight the day before you have a big meeting or review

The intensity of my desire to sleep is inversely proportional to your desperation

3. Eating:

If it moves, I will try to put it in my mouth. If it doesn't move, I'll still try to put it in my mouth

I will want boobs when they are not around

4. Playing:

I will really really really want to go out to the park when you are most tired and ready to drop dead

I want you to lift me up. Always.

5. Smiling:

My propensity to smile at strangers is directly proportional to how mortified Mom is of what they may do to me

Discovering amazingly pointless and irrelevant things that make me laugh will be your greatest joys in life

6. Attention:

My attention span is directly and exponentially proportional to how much you want me to avoid that object / activity

My need for attention is directly proportional to how tired or busy you are

Thank You

Every morning, somewhere between 7 and 8, Beckett wakes up. She wears the most beatific smile on her face and some days I'm fortunate to be able to witness it. Yesterday was one such day.

She opens her eyes, sees my face, and without any second thoughts flashes that smile. It is as if she is telling me Thank You!

Thank you for being here, for taking care of me, for keeping me safe and comfortable, for feeding me, for cleaning me, for taking me out for our walks, for singing to me, for enduring all my antics and acrobatics, for being there when I fall asleep, for everything that you and mummy and everyone else do to keep me happy.

In response, I say a little Thank You back to Beckett.

Thank you for choosing to come into this world through me, for the indescribable joy you bring to me, for teaching me everyday the amazing, invaluable, and simple little lessons that you do, for finding happiness in the smallest and goofiest of things that I do, for being so kind and compassionate and patient with me and my foibles, for loving me even though I can't understand you right now, for being my daughter.

I flash the most grateful smile back at her. 

P.S: At least 95% of the credit for the 'Thank You' that Beckett says belongs to Missus. I could not have asked for a better Mother for my child.        

Pappa's Uses

1. Basic level Roller Coaster with safety harness

2. Music Curator

3. Court Jester

4. Car

5. Driver

6. Kindle Audio

7. Awesome Cradle / Bed

8. Janitor

9. ATM

10. Photographer, Biographer warts and all

Pappa and Kaaka's Beckett Jokes

Things you need to know: Beckett was christened Aarvi Samyak Pandya

(Pappa playing the bansuri (Bamboo flute) and Beckett listening to it attentively.)

Pappa: (in his mind) 'Listens with intent. Must give her the flute to see what she does with it!'

Beckett: (in her mind) 'Ooh, new thing! Must put in mouth!'

Pappa: (in his mind) 'Aarvi Pandya or Aarvi Panda ?' 

Atman Kaaka: 'Aarvi Human or Aarvi Dancer?'

Beckett: 'Abba....ba....ab...ba....ab...ba...' (Babbling)

Pappa: No beta. The right band is Pink Floyd or The Beatles. But we say Thank You for the music nonetheless !

Beckett: 'Gau...baa...' (Babbling)

Pappa: No beta. The right first word to speak is 'Gleba'!

Beckett's Uses

When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade. Or when it gives you a hammer, nail everything that you can. Okay, this doesn't make sense or isn't even pertinent to the point I'm trying to make.

But very often children can, without much effort if any, bog the parents down. And if not able to manage them with entrepreneurial engagement, parents can wreak havoc in both their and their children's lives. So while you cannot prevent the kid from taking over your life, there's a hell lot that one can do to make the most of it.

This is what I refer to as Beckett's Uses.

1. Dynamic Barbell: I prefer carrying Beckett in my hands rather than using a sling or a carrier or a pram. Given that she puts on around 200 gms every week, my arms have that much time to adjust to the new weight category. That said, I do two sets of bicep curls and other arm exercises using Beckett as the prop.

2. TV Repellent: Watching incessant amounts of TV was the biggest saboteur of my future when I was much younger. Whereas Missus was so busy with sports and dance and academics that she hardly watched any TV. So both of us unanimously agree that watching TV is the devil. However, Beckett keeps both of us so occupied that we have no time for the devil. So bye bye TV.

3. Sleep Deprivation Machine: This one applies more to Missus and much less to me. But something that wakes you up with impeccable regularity every 2 hours to suck the living daylights out of you and more often than not accompanies it with a change of nappies and sheets definitely is going to deprive you of your sleep. But once you master this challenge, everything else in life seems like a cake walk

4. Patience Cultivator: If I see it, I will want to grab and eat it. If I feel something, I will cry and not stop till I'm convinced otherwise. I will not tell you what is bothering me (I can't, you stupid Dodos), but you have to do everything to take care of me. I will pee and poop and puke on your pants and shirts and under garments and there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot shout at me or beat the crap out of me or do anything that bad parents do. I have to be fed with relentless discipline. You have to ensure that I don't hurt myself. You will constantly have to find new ways to keep me entertained else I will cry like there is no tomorrow. I am the best patience teacher you will ever have in your life and your life will be better off for having been patient with me.

More in another instalment (Sound proofer, New syntax developer, Smile generator, Procrastination eliminator among others).