Thursday 30 April 2015

What's in a Name

I have a firm belief that a name should be uncommon - unique if possible; mellifluous - easy on the tongue and ear; and have a meaning that one would want to be associated with the child when he/she grows up.

The friggin problem is that this triad does not have an intersection set. Atman, Samyak, Aarjav; we kind of ensured that intersection set kept getting smaller and smaller. And now, I can't find a good name (Nidhi, Meena, Siddhi, Khyati, Sonia, Preetesh, Jignesh, Amit etc are not acceptable names).

To compound my woes, I still have no clue if i'm going to be a father to a beautiful girl or to a handsome boy. So I have to search for two names.

This post is about my search for the illusive intersection set of the paradoxical triad.

The first thing to do is visit sites like babynames, babycenter, or aggregators like babypost best baby names sites and more such stuff at the end of which one will realize that the endeavour was as fruitful as the Congress campaign in the Delhi state elections.

So you start looking at Armenian names. And slowly it moves to Arabic, Aafrikans, Russian, Slavic, and Nordic names.You scavenge and scour the deep dark recesses of the internet but every time leave the damp, dim, dusty minefields with empty hands, a heavy heart, and the desperation of a cornered animal.

And so, in an act of ultimate surrender, you invoke the 'Bhramastra'. You turn to crowd sourcing and ask family and friends to help with names in the hope that one of them will hit the bulls eye. You beg, plead, borrow, bribe, do everything within your power to get them to help you.  

But you can't leave something as important as this to chance or hope or some body else. And as a result, you finally realise that there is no substitute to hard work and embark upon the ultimate brute force test of your life and use this resource (Beware: the link points to a 10,000 page 254 mb Sanskrit dictionary pdf document that yours truly has been poring through in search of that ever elusive perfect name).

In case someone has the perfect name please do comment, help, name your price, whatever. 

Saturday 18 April 2015

Cravings

The Missus craves Chinese food. And Chocolate. And Pizza.

I find it difficult to fathom because normally she is extremely impervious to the desires of the palate and very particular about what she eats.

It seems that the baby craves Chinese food and it seems chocolate is good for health and it seems that Pizza will provide the extra fat cover that the placenta needs. Ya Right!

I would be alright with these random cravings had it not been for two things. The first is my own physical well being and the second is the biggest, most deep rooted fear that I have.

It is not enough if hubby feeds wifey. Hubby needs to join in. Someone please hand me a copy of the rule book; I want to know what clause and which page number says so! My knee injury has ensured that I get very little exercise. And during the normal course of life, it takes tremendous self control on my part to say no to the unhealthy indulgences that try to seduce me on a daily basis. This is like letting loose a bull in the China shop. So yours truly has ballooned up again.

The second thing that I'm petrified of is every man's biggest fear. First let me set the context. Missus is 5 '7, an ex national level athlete, a regular swimmer, a fitness freak, and Katie Holmes looks a bit like her. Till now, while Missus was gaining weight, it all seemed to go to the baby. It is now finding its way to the unflattering places.

Again, let me bring some perspective. Missus still looks absolutely stunning in the 7th month. It is the anxious husband who is unwilling to let go of his playful youth that is having trouble accepting the changes that are happening to her body.

But one thing I'm extremely determined on achieving is to ensure that the new arrival adds to the wonderfully active and experementative life that we've made for ourselves and not used as an excuse to give up any of the things that Nidhi and I love.

So from today, back to the grind.

Wednesday 8 April 2015

Just wondering

I'm told that babies sleep for around 18 hours in the womb. 

Mine is severely jet lagged. 

Am wondering what it must be thinking about, the 6 pitch dark nocturnal hours that it is awake. 

'Lady, what the hell did you just do?'

'I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up. I already know how to float.'

'What the f*** is this thing hanging out of my belly? Oh right, astronauts use it during space walks'

'Why are there so many holes?'

'I'm going to poop on dad when I get out of here.'

'I love the sound of that wooden thing you just played. Don't stop now.'

'I hope its Chinese food today.'

'Where's the exit?'

'Lets kick and see what happens!'   

Tuesday 7 April 2015

Paternity Policy

I work with an Indian conglomerate (we like to call ourselves a business federation) and my wife works with the Indian arm of a British telecom giant (no prizes for guessing) that recently upped its maternity leave policy from 3 months to 4 months and 6 hour work days for 6 months after resumption of work. 

My plan was always to use some of the countless privilege leaves that I have accumulated over the past 6 years. The possibility of getting leave and getting paid for having unprotected intercourse had not crossed my mind earlier.

But this news of an added month of maternity leave got me wondering what the paternity policy of my company was. So I went to the company's intranet and dug out the policy. I was wishfully hoping for two weeks and quite reasonably expecting at least one full week of paternity leave.

So you can imagine my joy when the policy in front of my eyes read 2 days. Two full days! Two full effing days! Can you believe it? My joy knew no bounds when I read the next sentence. For 3 months before the birth of my child and for 3 months after it, I was allowed to work 2 days from home every month. My reaction after running this past my boss and getting his acquiescence on the whole thing was like this:



Here's to paternity and office policies.

Monday 6 April 2015

It Kicks

It Kicks.

She Pukes.

In the Car.

I simply wonders if it's a boy or a girl.

I really wants to search for a good name (In the same league as Samyak and Atman).

She thinks I is really insensitive.

P.S.1: I really like trails of breadcrumbs

P.S 2: Apologies for the intentional bad English. Just wanted to see a few grammar Nazis cringe. Or maybe I sometimes like to think of myself in the 3rd person.

Saturday 4 April 2015

Genesis

Given that the bump on my wife's tummy has grown sufficiently large, given that it kicks consistently enough, and given that on further inspection through ultrasound it revealed a pair of eyes, ears, nostrils, 2 pairs of limbs, a fully developed spine, I'm inclined to believe that there is an impending child inside her.

Given what we did to each other around 6 months ago (and even before that), and given that during the scans, the thing kept covering its face and telling us 'Go away, let me sleep, get out of my face, I'm a private person, a drama queen, an attention seeker, a tease (just like my dad)', I'm inclined to believe that I'm going to become a father in around three months.

Part of me is blaze & nonchalant, part of me is ecstatic & excited, and part of me is puzzled & terrified, all at the same time (Paradoxes, oxymorons, ironies, and hyperboles will be omnipresent themes on this page; just like my real life).

So now seems like a good idea to start documenting. I believe it will serve the following multiple benefits that I'm listing below:

1. Chronological and factual (albeit littered with the writer's quirks) account of the project to understand the key milestones, timelines, Things gone right, Things gone wrong, resources needed, et al, which will be useful for cross or horizontal deployment.

2. A child starts retaining and recollecting memories between the ages of 2 and 3. Which essentially means that it has no friggin clue what the -9 to 3 phase of its life was like. A reference document would always be useful if it wants to trace its way back to the big bang (Oh did I mention Puns in the recurrent themes?).

3. There will be countless fathers to be / new fathers all around the world right now. It would be great to connect with a few of them and learn and share experiences, if this page manages to reach out to any of them.

4. As an example or a warning