Wednesday 20 March 2024

Wisdom of a Dolt

Beckett: Not my problem!


Me: When will it be your problem?


Beckett: When I’m a dolt!


Me: Heh??


Beckett: A Dolt! Like You.


Me (miffed): What?


Beckett: A Dolt! Grown up! Like you!


Me: Adult? Ahh..


Beckett: Yes.


Me: (So much life wisdom in this exchange)   

Monday 4 March 2024

Its Okay - Finch Masterclass

I have a sand clock on my table that Finch finds amusing. Turning it over is one of her consistent requests whenever she comes to my den to bug me while I'm working. I always oblige and then both of us, wide-eyed, look at the grains of sand falling down, one by one, gradually forming concentric circles; she marveling at the precision of the patterns being created by these insignificant particles; me philosophizing what their falling signifies.

Today, she tried to grab the sand clock and it fell over. No damage done. But the pedantic father in me wanted to use this as a teaching moment. So I picked up the sand clock and asked her,

'તુટી જાય, બધી રેતી ઢોળાઇ જાય, તો આપણે શું કરવાનું?' (What are we to do if it breaks, and the sand falls all over?). I was hoping she would say I'll be careful or something to that effect.

Instead, the two & half year old critter, just look back at me and said, કાંઈ 'નઈ પપ્પા, It's Okay કહેવાનું!' (Nothing Pappa, we should say It's Okay!).

Naturally, my jaw drop was a sight to behold. Of course my 80s-socialist-India conditioned brain had difficulty fathoming the simplicity of this American-abundance-as-default conditioned response.

Today's kids I Tell You!   

Wednesday 28 February 2024

Keh Keh & Kung Ung

Finch: 'Keh Keh!'

Me: 'Heh?'

Finch: 'Kung Ung!'

Me: '?'

Finch: 'Keh Keh!'

Me: 'Kung Ung?'

Finch (now laughing): 'Keh Keh!'

Me (getting the drift): 'Kung Ung!'

Finch (laughing all through the rest of the conversation): 'Kung Ung!'

Me (putting my CAT logical reasoning skills to work): 'Keh Keh!'

Finch (Pappa figured it out. He's a genius!): 'Kung Ung!'

Me (now laughing along): 'Keh Keh!'

Finch: 'Keh Keh!'

Me: 'Kung Ung!'

Finch: 'Keh Keh!'

Me: 'Kung Ung!'

Finch: 'Keh Keh!'

Me: 'Kung Ung!'      

(Both of us rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollably)

Can't make this shit up. 

Sunday 25 February 2024

Table Tennis & Gulab Jamun

Watching Beckett learn to play Table Tennis over the past 6-7 odd months has been fascinating, inspiring, and deeply satisfying. Missus was a national-level Table Tennis player back in India and I've played it on & off, mainly dictated by access to a Table, since I was 9.

Seeing her go from being barely able to make contact between paddle & ball, to consistently putting the ball on the table, to going toe to toe with Missus & me on rallies, to now learning how to chop & spin, has been lots of fun. 

While she goes for regular coaching, I thoroughly enjoy playing the game and transferring some of what I know to her. I'm surprisingly not an overbearing father or teacher when it comes to Table Tennis. Also, much of what I talk to her is about the stuff between the two ears and not about the technique or skill of the game.

One of the first things I did when we moved to our current home was to get the Table. Preetesh and one of his friends, my eternal gratitude to both of them, helped assemble it, and after a month or so of Missus & I playing regularly, it had been stoutly ignored for a little over a year till Beckett started playing. For the past 6 odd months, it has been an investment that has repaid itself multiple times over for the entire family - given that today we had Finch play for the first time (standing on the chair, with Missus holding her hand & paddle).

Finch is now fully potty trained. Achievement unlocked. 

She called me Gulab Jamun a few weeks ago. I thought she was making a reference to the increasing girth of my waist and increasing elasticity of my face, but then realized that this was a moniker of affection for everyone she is comfortable hugging. 

She also scratches the living daylights out of anyone close to her when her mood is running afoul & trimming her nails is a herculean 3 person task, as challenging as getting her to gulp down medicine.

Saturday 11 November 2023

The Questioners

One distinct trait that Beckett has developed, an impending boding, as she hurtles impatiently towards her teenage years, is to argue about and question almost everything.

I am in equal measure both thrilled and concerned about it. The exercising of agency, standing up for herself, and the logical reasoning I love. The need to always be right (at any cost), the potential abdication of responsibility, and the possible unimaginable collateral damage (both to her and others) in its wake, I dread.

I will consider myself an immensely successful father if I can impart to her a good sense of knowing when to stand her ground and knowing when being right will not be the right thing for her.


Finch, on the other hand, is an empath questioner. Her questions don't yet stem from a need to be right but from a place of reflecting and mirroring, immediately followed by curiosity.

It goes something like this (In Gujarati):

Me: 'Baa is going to India on Saturday.'

Finch: 'Baa is going to India?' 'In a plane?'

Me: 'Yes'

Finch: 'Then we'll talk with her on phone?'

Me: 'Yes'

Finch: 'When will she come again?'

Me: 'I don't know but maybe next year?'

Finch: 'Next year?'

Me: 'Yes'


May the questions from both the girls never abate. May they never get easier. May they always be answered.    

Monday 30 October 2023

Brothers & Sisters

Beckett is 6 years older than Finch. I am 10 and a 1/2 years older than my brother.

The day-to-day chronicles of Beckett & Finch remind me a lot of our childhood. Lots of similarities, but also lots of differences.

Both Beckett & I adore our respective younger siblings and think the world of them - highly intelligent, emotionally ahead of their years, and lots of fun to be around. 

Our respective siblings also possess the ability to drive us nuts.

The fundamental difference in our respective relationships is that of power. Finch can get away with things that Atman could not. It is very much the age difference and gender at play here.

Finch can scratch, pinch, bite, and shout, and get away with it, almost always. Atman could get away with it only on days that I found the benevolence in my heart to let him get away with it.

Despite the occasional 'I wish she would not exist' up until a few months ago, Beckett is generally a protective & motherly elder sister. She wants to teach Finch new things, has already taught her a bit of English, and wants to lift Finch up - something that Finch isn't most comfortable with. 

She's also had a not-so-trivial role in Potty training Finch and mentally preparing her for Daycare when Baa goes back to India. Finch didn't cry at all during her first week at Daycare not only because she has dropped Beckett off at school with us for some time now but also because Beckett has been priming her about school and how wonderful it is. She understands that Mummy & Pappa are not going to be at school and going to 'School' is a Big girl thing.

My brother is my closest friend, someone who learns from me, but also inspires me; he is the strongest link to my past but also probably the most likely to stick around for the rest of my life my quirks & foibles notwithstanding. 

As I'm typing that I hope that Finch & Beckett share the same type of bond that Atman & I share, Finch just sauntered past me yelling at Missus asking her 'Can I wear this?'

I'm getting used to this English-speaking, yet preposition & verb omitting Finch.


P.S: Both Beckett & I got our white belt with yellow stripes after passing our 1st Tae Kwon Do test. Onwards & upwards. Here's to breaking more wooden boards.        

 

  

Saturday 2 September 2023

'Done!'

'Finch is now talking'.

That sentence is about 6 months old. At that time, the extent of her talking was limited to Mumma, Baa, Dahi, and Done.

Yes, at 19 months she knew that when she was done eating yogurt and needed a ride out of the high chair, the magic word was 'Done'.

Of course, she learned it from Beckett. 

Now, at a little over 24 months, she speaks full sentences; much to my pleasure and relief, in Gujarati. And to my amusement, in Gujlish (Gujarati + English). 'Done', 'Look', 'Help' and some other words have crept into her vocabulary.

As of this writing, I've laughed out loud on several occasions after hearing her belt-out words and phrases in chaste Gujarati that only the most devoted Gurjari lovers can use and appreciate.

These include words & phrases like 'Maathachik' (hassle), 'Naarangi chupa chup khai gai ti' (I ate the orange with a lot of relish) and 'Ola' (that). 

And every now and then she will exclaim 'What?' with two hands & shoulders out or 'Can I?' with the palm facing up and fingers curling.

The clincher definitely has to be 'Hu naani hati tyaare savare saanje 'Lo Mai Aa Gaya' karti ti' (When I was young, morning evening, I used to do 'Lo Mai Aa Gaya' (which is a line from a popular Hindi movie song).

I've been a much better father to Finch than I was to Beckett. But Beckett's childhood is significantly more thoroughly documented than Finch's. I don't know how many such things we've lost to the mists of antiquity because I missed writing about succumbing to the tyranny of the humdrum and the urgent.

But as they say in my beloved mother tongue, Jagya tyaar thi savaar (Morning starts when you wake up).  Here's to hoping that I'll be writing more here and elsewhere going forward.