Beckett's Murphy Laws

1. Pooping:

My frequency is inversely proportional to how many people there are in the house and how many wet wipes are left. It is has a co-relation of 1 with you cooking food  

2. Falling Sleep:

I will stay up till / beyond midnight the day before you have a big meeting or review

The intensity of my desire to sleep is inversely proportional to your desperation

3. Eating:

If it moves, I will try to put it in my mouth. If it doesn't move, I'll still try to put it in my mouth

I will want boobs when they are not around

4. Playing:

I will really really really want to go out to the park when you are most tired and ready to drop dead

I want you to lift me up. Always.

5. Smiling:

My propensity to smile at strangers is directly proportional to how mortified Mom is of what they may do to me

Discovering amazingly pointless and irrelevant things that make me laugh will be your greatest joys in life

6. Attention:

My attention span is directly and exponentially proportional to how much you want me to avoid that object / activity

My need for attention is directly proportional to how tired or busy you are