1. Point of no return: This is the single biggest thing that separates the great leaders from the good and not so good ones. Becoming or deciding to become a parent is a really foolish thing to do (But as Stewart Brand and later Steve Jobs said 'Stay hungry Stay foolish'). Much the same way as starting your own venture or pet project or writing a book or composing music. But parenthood, unlike these other things, forces one into a situation where the 'flight' option is literally taken away the moment you make a conscious choice to become a parent. The only option available is 'fight' and go through the proverbial brick wall to reach one's destination. There is no option of unbecoming a parent once the kid is born; the point of no return has been crossed. The best leaders willingly put themselves in these situations, again and again. And they achieve this through public declarations and burning the bridges to anything that is likely to cause them to retreat from their goals. Of course, like every parent, they will pivot, search for different ways to achieve what is best for the issue, but the commitment to the goal is unwavering and relentless.
2. Focus and De-clutter: As one goes along in life, one keeps accumulating habits and wants. One keeps adding and adding and keeps feeling stressed about them. Becoming a parent forces one to de-clutter the space that is life. Kids need time, attention, love, and money; and in dollops the size of the Titanic. And all these limited resources can be made available to the child only when one lets go of and unburdens one's countless unnecessary trappings and distractions. Same goes for a great leader. Limited resources that need wise deployment automatically implies a need to focus on only the most important things. Go check any turnaround story of the last century and this is a theme that will resonate in everyone of them.
3. Collaboration and Team work: Great parents and families raise a child together. They take turns, cover for each other, and sacrifice much for the betterment of the child. They look for the best schools and tutors and extra curricular academies to ensure that their kids get the best chance of achieving their true potential. Similarly, great leaders are multipliers and win-win thinkers. They ask for help, share responsibilities and rewards with partners, bring in talent to fortify strengths and overcome weaknesses, and are constantly looking for the best ways to further their causes.
4. Net Giving: Once someone becomes a parent, the purpose of one's life shifts dramatically from one's own development and achievements to that of the child. It is not that one gives up on his or her personal goals. It is just the opposite; the realization that there is a purpose greater than one's own self and that the achievement of that purpose leads to the fulfillment of one's so called personal goals. A manager focuses on one's own development. But the leader's biggest job is to develop others and make their lives more fulfilling; and in that development and fulfillment lies the leader's true success and legacy. Both Parents and true leaders are net sowers of seeds. The growing of the trees and blooming of the flowers is their reward. Both put their children and teams before themselves. They give give and give without expecting anything in return. And hence they get 10 times more in return. Law of the Universe. True Story.
5. Constant learning: New borns live in a world of their own. It is the parents' job to learn the ways of their world and keep up with the blistering pace at which that world changes. This is only possible if one is willing to learn, unlearn, and relearn quickly, really quickly. Much of this is OJT (On the job training), but parenting is also an exercise in inordinate desktop research, wide consultations, and books, books, and books. The best parents not only keep up with their kids but also learn fast enough to be able to hold their respect well into the children's adulthood. This facilitates mature conversations and lessens the likelihood of a generation gap. Similarly, leaders have to lead in VUCA (Volatile Uncertain Complex and Ambiguous) environments where disruption is now becoming the norm. The only way to survive is to constantly learn from those smarter and more knowledgeable than oneself, completing um teem courses at Coursera, and through books, books, and books.
6. Constant improvement: I'm obsessed with keeping track of my child's progress. Weight, height, first date of smiling, rolling over, rolling back, babbling, and many other things. And then checking against three benchmarks. 1. Median statistics 2. My own self and 3. The 99th percentile (In a CAT obsessed country, can you blame me for this?). However, this stems more from a belief that each successive generation should be 10X the previous and it is the role of the previous generation to facilitate this 10X journey, and less from a competitive mindset. Great leaders create an environment of constant improvement on a daily basis (what we know as Kaizen), but at the same time facilitate the 10 X jump for their teams.
7. Celebration: Parents think the world of their kids, as if they are God's gift to mankind; even if the rest of the world thinks otherwise. Parents celebrate (and must celebrate) the smallest achievements (and even the greatest of debacles as long as they were a result of sincere effort) of their kids. This in turn encourages the kids to do better. Parents provide the kids with the confidence and pluck needed to navigate this big bad complex competitive world through these little celebrations. And although once in a while parents must also hold the mirror of reality in front of them, these celebrations lay the foundation of the 'Can do and will do' attitude. One never knows which small celebration or word of encouragement can change the course of the child's life. The same goes with leadership. Victories are few and far between, but one never knows which victory or which failure will change the course of the cause. Hence it is important to acknowledge and celebrate them.
This is by no means a comprehensive list. I'm sure this list can be extended to 10, 25, 50, 100, and 1000 before creative fatigue sets in. This post is an attempt to partly explain a highly complex and supposedly elite discipline through a fundamental human function that is understood and experienced by most people.
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