Nanhi Kali, an affiliate organisation of the company I work with is currently doing a 'Proud fathers for daughters' campaign. Prime Minister Modi recently did a #Selfiewithdaughter campaign just after Aarvi was born. I received plenty of messages suggesting that it would be a good idea to participate in these campaigns.
The thing is that I'm what you would call a pseudo private person. I'm not on facebook. Am on twitter but rarely post anything personal there. Have 3 blogs; this one is public for the time being (given that only a single reader somewhere in the US reads it), another is accessible only to 5 other readers, and one is just for me. There is a set of people whom I care about and / or trust (and want to be cared by and / or trusted by). I open up and reach out to them; sometimes for attention, sometimes for advice, and sometimes because I just want them to know what is going on in my life and vice versa. Other than that, I generally keep to myself.
I stoutly refused to participate in any of these campaigns because I had no interest in being mentioned by a famous person or being seen with my daughter by millions of people.
And then Shruti Seth happened to twitter. (Read from bottom to top). I disagree with her calling the #selfiewithdaughter campaign an eye wash. Here is a guy (I'm an unabashed, unapologetic supporter of our PM) trying to create awareness about one of the worst problems in India. Questioning his intent definitely reeked of bad faith or complete lack of knowing how change is brought about. That said, she had every right to say what she said.
The reactions to her tweet however (some mentioned in the article I've linked), vindicated completely my decision not to participate in these campaigns. It is precisely these kind of people (can they be called that?) I want to avoid coming in contact with me or my daughter.
After Aarvi's birth this trait has hardened further. Before writing mails or sharing dropbox links of her photos, I wonder if I'm sending them to the right folks. Some I've regretted sending, some I've regretted not sending immediately.
The instinct to protect her, the hapless paranoia of not knowing what and who to protect her from, and the humbling realisation that someday I'll have to learn to be bigger than this crippling fear, are new to me. These are emotional and intellectual nerve centers I never knew existed in me.
Will need time and help.
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