The letter 'U' didn't like being ignored. It did not take very kindly to the seemingly step fatherly treatment meted out to it on this blog. It decided to make it to presence felt in the most the unpalatable of ways. Everything about this post is Ugly.
You all know that Beckett is a biter. To clear the air and put all concerns to rest, let me assure you that this is completely normal behaviour. Toddlers don't know how to express their emotions and feelings. And sometimes biting is their way of expressing what they feel and of showing affection.
But that is definitely not how the bitee or her parents see things. And I was worried about this.
Pappa has raised this concern with all the stakeholders minor and major. However he was summarily dismissed along with his concerns by one and all. No one realized that I was more concerned about protecting Beckett from the repercussions of her biting rather than wanting to rebuke her. Maybe I did not communicate it properly or maybe it is human nature to interpret any opposing view point as an accusation. But no one listened.
You know where this is going, right?
A few days ago, when Beckett and Missus were enjoying the playful bounties of the playground next door along with few other kids and their parents, Beckett ambushed an unsuspecting, hapless 18 month old girl with her proficient incisors. She was expecting a warm hug but got a bite free along with it. Needless to say the bitee broke into a weep and that elicited a reaction from her protective not so happy father. Things got ugly.
'Other Pappa' as we shall refer to him, quite rudely brought this to the attention of Missus. I wouldn't blame him. I would've probably reacted more viciously had someone else bitten Beckett. Missus, not the most empathetic of people and quite oblivious to the other child's pain, brushed it aside and tried to reason with Other Pappa that this was Beckett's way of showing affection. Bad Call!!
Parents don't like being told that it is natural for another child to hurt their own. So Other Pappa, who was now annoyed even more, very curtly and stingingly averred that if this was Beckett's normal behaviour then then she should be isolated from other kids and be kept caged at home. His tone, demeanour, and behaviour were intimidating.
While this shook Missus badly, I'm sure that my words of truth and wisdom rankled and echoed through her disturbed mind now as she dealt with this situation. To make matters worse, she made the mistake of relaying the incident to me. To an over anxious, guilt ridden, long distance, paranoid father and husband who now also has to contend with the prospect of a disgruntled stranger stalking his wife and daughter.
And this was happening just about five days after I had pleaded on folded knees to everyone to listen to me. That riled me even more. Things got ugly.
So instead of sympathizing with Missus and being her bolster, I kind of blasted her for putting both Beckett and her own safety at risk. (It's not only Missus who is bad at empathizing).
Obviously Missus didn't like it and hung up on me. What followed was a nuclear war that kept escalating with every step that the other person took. Things got ugly.
Missus fired the first salvo by blocking me on Whatsapp. I think her anger was justified given the uncharitable words I'd used.
Pappa tried to make peace, but she didn't relent. That's when Pappa shifted the orbit of escalation. Blocking can be done both ways. And Whatsapp is not the only thing that can be blocked. Pappa carpet bombed every available channel of communication, didn't even spare profile pictures. After all I'm living alone in a foreign city. If I go MIA for a couple of days, all hell would break loose back home.
It was only then that the nuclear winter thawed. All parties except Other Pappa, who thankfully we've not encountered since that fateful evening , admitted that they could've done better and promised to be more vigilant and sensitive, and took things back to the long and winding road of normalcy.
To any parents and spouses reading this, I have two pieces of advice.
1. Always give some genuine consideration to what your spouse suggests, no matter how frivolous or impractical it may seem. They have the child's and your best interest at heart.
2. As a spouse, your job is not to be right, but to be what your spouse needs you to be at that moment. that is the best gift that you can give him or her.
This looks like a handsome ending to an Ugly post. Until next time.
You all know that Beckett is a biter. To clear the air and put all concerns to rest, let me assure you that this is completely normal behaviour. Toddlers don't know how to express their emotions and feelings. And sometimes biting is their way of expressing what they feel and of showing affection.
But that is definitely not how the bitee or her parents see things. And I was worried about this.
Pappa has raised this concern with all the stakeholders minor and major. However he was summarily dismissed along with his concerns by one and all. No one realized that I was more concerned about protecting Beckett from the repercussions of her biting rather than wanting to rebuke her. Maybe I did not communicate it properly or maybe it is human nature to interpret any opposing view point as an accusation. But no one listened.
You know where this is going, right?
A few days ago, when Beckett and Missus were enjoying the playful bounties of the playground next door along with few other kids and their parents, Beckett ambushed an unsuspecting, hapless 18 month old girl with her proficient incisors. She was expecting a warm hug but got a bite free along with it. Needless to say the bitee broke into a weep and that elicited a reaction from her protective not so happy father. Things got ugly.
'Other Pappa' as we shall refer to him, quite rudely brought this to the attention of Missus. I wouldn't blame him. I would've probably reacted more viciously had someone else bitten Beckett. Missus, not the most empathetic of people and quite oblivious to the other child's pain, brushed it aside and tried to reason with Other Pappa that this was Beckett's way of showing affection. Bad Call!!
Parents don't like being told that it is natural for another child to hurt their own. So Other Pappa, who was now annoyed even more, very curtly and stingingly averred that if this was Beckett's normal behaviour then then she should be isolated from other kids and be kept caged at home. His tone, demeanour, and behaviour were intimidating.
While this shook Missus badly, I'm sure that my words of truth and wisdom rankled and echoed through her disturbed mind now as she dealt with this situation. To make matters worse, she made the mistake of relaying the incident to me. To an over anxious, guilt ridden, long distance, paranoid father and husband who now also has to contend with the prospect of a disgruntled stranger stalking his wife and daughter.
And this was happening just about five days after I had pleaded on folded knees to everyone to listen to me. That riled me even more. Things got ugly.
So instead of sympathizing with Missus and being her bolster, I kind of blasted her for putting both Beckett and her own safety at risk. (It's not only Missus who is bad at empathizing).
Obviously Missus didn't like it and hung up on me. What followed was a nuclear war that kept escalating with every step that the other person took. Things got ugly.
Missus fired the first salvo by blocking me on Whatsapp. I think her anger was justified given the uncharitable words I'd used.
Pappa tried to make peace, but she didn't relent. That's when Pappa shifted the orbit of escalation. Blocking can be done both ways. And Whatsapp is not the only thing that can be blocked. Pappa carpet bombed every available channel of communication, didn't even spare profile pictures. After all I'm living alone in a foreign city. If I go MIA for a couple of days, all hell would break loose back home.
It was only then that the nuclear winter thawed. All parties except Other Pappa, who thankfully we've not encountered since that fateful evening , admitted that they could've done better and promised to be more vigilant and sensitive, and took things back to the long and winding road of normalcy.
To any parents and spouses reading this, I have two pieces of advice.
1. Always give some genuine consideration to what your spouse suggests, no matter how frivolous or impractical it may seem. They have the child's and your best interest at heart.
2. As a spouse, your job is not to be right, but to be what your spouse needs you to be at that moment. that is the best gift that you can give him or her.
This looks like a handsome ending to an Ugly post. Until next time.
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