Beckett Speak

'I liked Dad better with his beard. Right now he looks as if he's just a couple of years older to me. I didn't recognize him when he came this time.'

'Dad is so predictable. He bought me a stuffed toy. Guess what it was! Hobbes! So cliche!'

'I hate vaccines. F***ing couldn't lift my right leg for two full days! But more than that you never know how many times those damn things are going to prick you. The old bald guy keeps coming back with those sharp needles.'

'Both Mom and Dad are both pussies! I stopped crying before them after they gave me the vaccines! Also had to pretend to be in deep sleep for two hours so that they could take a trip to the mall and buy some stuff.'

'I can't get my timing right. Have tried hard to poop in Dad's hands thrice. But could only manage to fart. Managed to pee on him today when he was prepping me up or a bath. Some consolation!'

'I like the songs that Dad plays for me when he's here. He's got good taste.'

'Mom's Boobs > everything else. A girl's gotta do what she's gotta do. #StayingAlive.'