The Questioners

One distinct trait that Beckett has developed, an impending boding, as she hurtles impatiently towards her teenage years, is to argue about and question almost everything.

I am in equal measure both thrilled and concerned about it. The exercising of agency, standing up for herself, and the logical reasoning I love. The need to always be right (at any cost), the potential abdication of responsibility, and the possible unimaginable collateral damage (both to her and others) in its wake, I dread.

I will consider myself an immensely successful father if I can impart to her a good sense of knowing when to stand her ground and knowing when being right will not be the right thing for her.

Finch, on the other hand, is an empath questioner. Her questions don't yet stem from a need to be right but from a place of reflecting and mirroring, immediately followed by curiosity.

It goes something like this (In Gujarati):

Me: 'Baa is going to India on Saturday.'

Finch: 'Baa is going to India?' 'In a plane?'

Me: 'Yes'

Finch: 'Then we'll talk with her on phone?'

Me: 'Yes'

Finch: 'When will she come again?'

Me: 'I don't know but maybe next year?'

Finch: 'Next year?'

Me: 'Yes'

May the questions from both the girls never abate. May they never get easier. May they always be answered.    

Brothers & Sisters

Beckett is 6 years older than Finch. I am 10 and a 1/2 years older than my brother.

The day-to-day chronicles of Beckett & Finch remind me a lot of our childhood. Lots of similarities, but also lots of differences.

Both Beckett & I adore our respective younger siblings and think the world of them - highly intelligent, emotionally ahead of their years, and lots of fun to be around. 

Our respective siblings also possess the ability to drive us nuts.

The fundamental difference in our respective relationships is that of power. Finch can get away with things that Atman could not. It is very much the age difference and gender at play here.

Finch can scratch, pinch, bite, and shout, and get away with it, almost always. Atman could get away with it only on days that I found the benevolence in my heart to let him get away with it.

Despite the occasional 'I wish she would not exist' up until a few months ago, Beckett is generally a protective & motherly elder sister. She wants to teach Finch new things, has already taught her a bit of English, and wants to lift Finch up - something that Finch isn't most comfortable with. 

She's also had a not-so-trivial role in Potty training Finch and mentally preparing her for Daycare when Baa goes back to India. Finch didn't cry at all during her first week at Daycare not only because she has dropped Beckett off at school with us for some time now but also because Beckett has been priming her about school and how wonderful it is. She understands that Mummy & Pappa are not going to be at school and going to 'School' is a Big girl thing.

My brother is my closest friend, someone who learns from me, but also inspires me; he is the strongest link to my past but also probably the most likely to stick around for the rest of my life my quirks & foibles notwithstanding. 

As I'm typing that I hope that Finch & Beckett share the same type of bond that Atman & I share, Finch just sauntered past me yelling at Missus asking her 'Can I wear this?'

I'm getting used to this English-speaking, yet preposition & verb omitting Finch.

P.S: Both Beckett & I got our white belt with yellow stripes after passing our 1st Tae Kwon Do test. Onwards & upwards. Here's to breaking more wooden boards.        

 

  

'Done!'

'Finch is now talking'.

That sentence is about 6 months old. At that time, the extent of her talking was limited to Mumma, Baa, Dahi, and Done.

Yes, at 19 months she knew that when she was done eating yogurt and needed a ride out of the high chair, the magic word was 'Done'.

Of course, she learned it from Beckett. 

Now, at a little over 24 months, she speaks full sentences; much to my pleasure and relief, in Gujarati. And to my amusement, in Gujlish (Gujarati + English). 'Done', 'Look', 'Help' and some other words have crept into her vocabulary.

As of this writing, I've laughed out loud on several occasions after hearing her belt-out words and phrases in chaste Gujarati that only the most devoted Gurjari lovers can use and appreciate.

These include words & phrases like 'Maathachik' (hassle), 'Naarangi chupa chup khai gai ti' (I ate the orange with a lot of relish) and 'Ola' (that). 

And every now and then she will exclaim 'What?' with two hands & shoulders out or 'Can I?' with the palm facing up and fingers curling.

The clincher definitely has to be 'Hu naani hati tyaare savare saanje 'Lo Mai Aa Gaya' karti ti' (When I was young, morning evening, I used to do 'Lo Mai Aa Gaya' (which is a line from a popular Hindi movie song).

I've been a much better father to Finch than I was to Beckett. But Beckett's childhood is significantly more thoroughly documented than Finch's. I don't know how many such things we've lost to the mists of antiquity because I missed writing about succumbing to the tyranny of the humdrum and the urgent.

But as they say in my beloved mother tongue, Jagya tyaar thi savaar (Morning starts when you wake up).  Here's to hoping that I'll be writing more here and elsewhere going forward.       

Letters to Beckett - 4

 Dear Beckett,

As you grow older, I see more and more of what I did to my parents. All the joys I brought them and all the ways I found to hurt them. 

I see more and more of what they did for me. Their superpowers and their limitations.

I experience goosebump raising gratitude for the books, music, travel, safety, love, friendship, wisdom, and so much more.

I also find myself wishing that they had done a few things differently. I wish they had pushed me a bit more, and sheltered me a little less. I wish my father had hung around longer than his almost 40 years.

I also find myself realizing, acknowledging, and accepting that they were doing their best.

I couldn't have asked for better parents. 

I hope Missus & I can make you and Finch feel the same about yours.

I also hope I don't screw you or Finch up by projecting my insecurities on either of you.

I hope we can help you get the better of your regrets. Not by letting you not have any, but by helping you get ahead of them. So that you have the necessary tools and foundation to stare them down and move on to your next adventures.

I hope to see you determined to shine as bright as the Sun, but without burning out. I hope to see you give wings to your dreams and let run rampant your wishes to soar high.