Pappa gets serious, again

This post is for my father.

Amidst the earth shattering chaos of C-sections and Cerelac formulae and sleepless nights and soiled nappies and sessions of physiotherapy and severe diet restrictions and sullen visits to paediatricians and strollers and swaddling and soul searching and sentences of solitude that follow the birth of a child, there is one small thing that everyone completely forgets and ignores and takes completely for granted. The Father.

Suddenly from being a care free, swear word spewing, living in the moment, irresponsible boy, he is expected to transform into an epitome of a role model. And for most part, he does. Sometimes he already is an epitome of a role model and doesn't need to change much. But instead of living in the moment , he now starts living in the future. Schools, Houses, Skills, Money, Health, Security and so many other things start playing on and overpowering his mind.

If he is lucky like me, he has most of the things sorted out thanks to all the opportunities his parents and near ones and society have given him and his spouse.

But in his mind and heart, he is terrified. He is afraid that his one wrong step will screw up an innocent little life and many more. For all the possibilities and optimism stories that he keeps telling the world and himself, he is desperately praying for wings to grow as he keeps jumping off cliffs.

His juggling act keeps becoming more and more complicated as more balls keep getting added and he keeps losing the option of dropping any of these balls; one by one. And in the process he keeps losing himself to the relentless beatings of time and circumstance.

So while he is out there fulfilling expectations, protecting everyone he loves and everyone who looks to him for security, there is a time and place in his vast wasteland of loneliness where he needs to be protected; not from the world or the forces of nature or divinity, but from the darkness of doubts and indecision and uncertainty, from his own self and what he may end up making of himself if he isn't.

I didn't know any better back then. I was too young. I'm sorry, for everything.

P.S: Thanks Roy.

 

Sorry

Pappa is sorry. Pappa is really, really sorry. But it had to be done.

Enjoy the Ganapatis my dearest.

Achievement Unlocked

She's started turning over on her own. Good part is the Achievement Unlocked and the muscles now getting activated. 

Bad part is that she can't turn back and extra vigilance will now be needed to ensure that she does not fall down from the bed, or worse still, suffocate under the weight of her own head.  

The worst part is that Pappa missed it again and has no clue how many more things he will have to miss out on.

Bachelorhood redux side effects

From the moment your children are born, you worry what the world might do to them...but you never stop to think what you might do to them. That we could be our worst enemy.

- Moira Queen

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Before I had kids, I always found it funny how people would talk about their children like they were the cutest things on the planet and how every little thing they did was endlessly fascinating. Now that I've had kids, I can say with certainty that, my children really are the cutest things on this planet and every little thing they do is endlessly fascinating... 

- Jennifer Miller

The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child, but the parent.

- Frank Pittman

Your children are not your children.

They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. 

They come through you but not from you.

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.

-Kahlil Gibran

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

- Rodney Dangerfield

Somebody Gonna get a hurt Real Bad !!!

-Russel Peters's father

Vaccines, Teachers, and More

I hate vaccination days. Am glad to have a doctor father in law who hates them as well. Since this was supposed to be a vaccination weekend, I decided to do some studying of my own. And I realized that Indian kids have to take a F***ing whole lot of vaccines! It is like taking exams even before school starts.

The good part is that in our infinite wisdom, both FIL and yours truly decided that the vaccines could wait for another month. In fact, it is better to space them apart so that the earlier dose can do its job well.

So it ended up being one of the best weekends Pappa and Beti had together. Took Aarvi and Missus to the park, visited Baa, sang many songs and talked a lot to my 2  1/2 month old, and inadvertently ended up showing Missus that Pappa really is a good father.

Also, with teachers' day being celebrated on the 5th, wanted to acknowledge what Missus (selflessness, fanatic discipline, sacrifice, and ability to bear physical pain) and Aarvi (single minded focus, the art of charming, learning to learn, asking for help) have taught me over the last two and half months. Here's to these two amazing teachers of mine.

Last, but not the least, also experienced first hand how much of a tough time Aarvi is going to have with two hyper competitive parents who have mutually exclusive interests and definitions of actualization. Was playing 'Locha - e - Ulfat' on youtube and singing it out loud to Aarvi when Missus realized the conversion / proselytization that was happening. And to ensure that 'Dance' did not lose out to 'Singing', Missus started busting a few Bharatnatyam moves to the song. So looking back and forth between an animatedly yodeling father wanting her to become a singer and a bombastically move busting mother wanting her to become a dancer, she has not experienced a more confusing incident in her life.